Therapists and science helped me understand why my child flaps when excited — and how it’s really a smart way to regulate emotions.

Why My Child Flaps His Hands When He’s Excited — And What Science Taught Me About the Beauty of Stimming

When he gets excited — like when he finishes a drawing he’s proud of, spots something cool in a movie, or sees his favorite food on the table — his hands just start flapping on their own. Then come the happy squeaks, the little hops, and that huge grin that makes my heart melt every single time.

It’s adorable, really. I can’t help but laugh every time it happens.

Still, I’ll gently remind him, “Hey love, you’re not a bird,” and ask him not to do it when we’re out — because people stare, and I worry what they might think.

But after a while, curiosity got the better of me.
Why does he do it? What’s really happening in those moments?

So I started digging — reading articles, watching videos, asking other moms who’ve been there. And of course, I brought it up with his therapist.

What she shared made so much sense… and honestly, it changed everything about how I see those little flapping hands.

What the “flapping” really means

What I thought was just a random habit actually has a name: stimming — short for self-stimulatory behavior.

It’s those repetitive movements or sounds — like flapping, humming, rocking, or pacing — that help kids regulate big emotions or sensory overload.

For my son, flapping isn’t misbehavior. It’s communication. It’s his body’s way of saying:

“I’m excited!”
“This is too much!”
“I need to move to feel okay.”

According to Dr. Temple Grandin, a well-known voice in neurodiversity research, repetitive movements like flapping or rocking can help calm an overstimulated nervous system. They give predictable feedback — a sense of safety in a world that can sometimes feel too loud, bright, or unpredictable.

And a 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that most neurodivergent adults reported that stimming helped them regulate emotions, focus, and express feelings that are hard to put into words.

So no — it’s not “weird.”
It’s actually smart regulation.

Why it happens so often — especially in public

Imagine living in a world where every sound, texture, or light feels a little too much.

That’s what many neurodivergent kids experience. Their sensory systems work differently, which means their brains crave certain types of input — movement, sound, or pressure — to stay balanced.

For some kids, that looks like flapping.
For others, it’s humming, spinning, or bouncing.

Occupational therapists call this a sensory diet — the unique mix of sensory experiences every child’s body needs to stay calm, focused, and regulated.

When they don’t get enough of that input, or when they’re overwhelmed, their body naturally looks for ways to balance itself.

Flapping does exactly that.

Dr. Winnie Dunn, an expert on sensory processing, explains it perfectly:

“A child’s sensory behavior is not random. It’s communication — their nervous system telling you what it needs.”

The day I stopped trying to “fix” it

One afternoon, my son was playing with a toy car. It had shiny wheels that spun fast when he blew on them.

He started flapping and squealing with pure joy.

Old me would’ve said, “Quiet hands.”
But this time, I just sat beside him and said, “Wow, those wheels spin so fast! You really love that sound, huh?”

He looked at me — just a quick glance — but it was enough.

That was connection.

That was the moment I realized: I didn’t need to stop the flapping. I needed to join the joy.

What therapists say: It’s about regulation, not rebellion

Therapists who work with children like mine no longer try to “eliminate” stimming.
They try to understand it — and support the child through it.

Here’s what many recommend (and what’s worked for us, too):

1. Don’t rush to stop it — observe first

Notice when and why your child flaps or makes sounds. Is it excitement? Stress? Fatigue? Transitions?

This kind of “functional observation” helps you see the pattern — just like therapists do during evaluations.

Once I paid attention, I realized my son flapped most during transitions — leaving the house, starting schoolwork, or entering noisy spaces. It was his body’s way of saying, “Brace yourself.”

Science says: Understanding the function of a behavior helps reduce distress-driven stimming.
(Ahearn et al., Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2007)

2. Offer sensory outlets — not restrictions

If your child’s body needs movement, give it in ways that feel natural:

Jumping on a mini trampoline
Pushing a laundry basket or grocery cart (what OTs call “heavy work”)
Swinging, bouncing, or playing with fidget toys

When his body gets the movement it needs, the urge to stim often balances out on its own.

Science says: Sensory diets and occupational therapy help regulate arousal and reduce self-stimulatory behaviors.
(Case-Smith & Arbesman, American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 2008)

3. Co-regulate through rhythm

If your child makes sounds when they stim, try joining in — hum softly, tap a rhythm, or sing a phrase they enjoy.

This mirrors what music therapists call co-regulation through rhythm — a back-and-forth exchange that builds emotional connection without words.

Science says: Music therapy improves emotional regulation and social connection in children with sensory and communication differences.
(Geretsegger et al., Cochrane Review, 2014)

4. Mirror the feeling, not the movement

When your child flaps, instead of correcting, reflect what they’re feeling.

Say something like:

“You’re so happy! That’s your excited dance!”

It validates their emotion and tells them you see them — which builds trust and connection.

Therapist-backed: The DIR/Floortime® model by Dr. Stanley Greenspan encourages joining emotional states to build communication and connection.
(Solomon et al., Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 2014)

5. Give them words for the feeling

Once they’re calm, gently name what happened:

“You flap when you’re excited!”
“That sound means you’re happy!”

Over time, this helps them connect emotions with language — a big step toward emotional intelligence and communication.

Therapist insight: The Hanen Centre’s “More Than Words” program teaches parents to label and comment on emotions during daily routines to encourage understanding and expressive language.

When stimming needs extra support

Most of the time, flapping or vocal stimming is harmless — even healthy.

But if your child’s stimming:

causes injury,
gets in the way of daily life, or
suddenly increases a lot,

it’s best to consult a therapist or developmental specialist. They can help find sensory triggers and create strategies that keep your child safe and comfortable.

What changed when I stopped fighting it

Once I stopped trying to “fix” the flapping, everything felt lighter.

My son had fewer meltdowns. I stopped feeling tense in public. And instead of worrying about how he looked, I started focusing on how he felt.

Now, when he flaps and laughs, I smile and say,

“You’re excited, huh?”

And he grins even bigger.

That’s our language now.

A gentle reminder for every parent

You don’t need to make your child act “normal.”
You just need to help them feel safe.

Flapping isn’t a flaw. It’s expression. It’s energy, emotion, joy — sometimes stress — all trying to find their way out.

Your job isn’t to stop the movement.
It’s to understand the message behind it.

And once you do?
You’ll see those wings for what they really are — not flapping, but flying.

Every tough moment has a reason — and a way through it.

Each challenge is a thread in the story God is still beautifully weaving.

Tap below and join a circle of moms discovering the science, stories, and small steps that make sense of our kids (and make life a little lighter).

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Disclaimer:
We’re not medical professionals, therapists, or child development experts. We’re moms and aunts of differently wired kids, sharing what we’ve learned through experience, guidance from licensed therapists, and our own research. Our goal is to offer insights and encouragement—not professional advice. For personalized guidance, please consult a qualified specialist.

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